Hi! My name is Alexandra. I welcome you to this safe space where you will find that you are not alone. I know that they call emetophobia the secret phobia because perhaps you were secretly searching for information or help when you stumbled upon this blog. I thank you for sticking around and giving me a chance to help in any way that I can.

I had emetophobia for 24 years. I’m 33 now, at the time of this post, but I do tend to say it started when I was 21. In reality, that was just when my life became more of a tiny little bubble for the next 12 years or so. I hope the timeline makes sense.

When I was a kid, I know there was a time that I didn’t care about seeing people sick. I also didn't know that it can happen to me-until it did. After that, all safety measures needed to be taken. Interestingly enough, I would pick and choose. My mother was my safety at all times. Even before emetophobia. She was the one I knew I needed to be protected by. From what? Not sure at the time. But, the moment that this new experience began, she was there and so, I knew that if my mother wasn’t around, I would face intense emotions that were not pleasant.

As I grew up, my mind would pick and choose when it would decide to feel comfortable or not. For example, I got sick in public around 9 years old. Before that, school was quite pleasant. Once I hit 5th grade and I had a male teacher for the first time, I remember specifically asking a girl standing next to me if she felt nervous because I was feeling nervous as we waited for our teacher to let us into the classroom. That year, was the first year that I associated belly aches with nausea and needing to escape to safety. I would go home numerous times throughout the week until one time, the teacher told me to wait and then he would let me go to the nurse. He didn’t. Instead, he held me back at recess and asked me what was wrong. I told him that I just missed my mom. He told me something along the lines that I’ll be okay. He was very kind and I trusted his words. I went off to recess and that reassurance kept me in school the rest of the year.

Throughout middle school and high school, it was on and off going home or staying in school. I will go more into details in another blog about the specifics in order to keep this on the short side. After I graduated I went off to community college without a clue on what to do with my life. I allowed myself to be influenced by people and spent my time from 18-21 at clubs and bars. The thing is, I didn’t drink or do anything that would put me under the influence and potentially be sick. However, I became more aware of experiences I needed to add to my list so I wouldn’t be sick or around anyone that was sick. This, of course, included people that were drinking, road trips, traveling, foods that made other people sick, etc. As my independence grew, so did my decision making. As you know, we assume that avoidance is best and we know what we are doing.

Me at 21 years of age. Barely eating and sleeping all day from fear.

When I hit 21 years of age, I had come out of a relationship that was not my best idea. However, at the end of it, you would think that I had come out of battle. I developed new beliefs from my experiences that made my bubble even smaller. The main concern from this, was that I was weighing 89lbs at 5”1’ tall. That’s not a very tall height, but 89lbs is also not a healthy weight for a grown woman. I was surviving off of French fries and nutella. I knew I needed to either get help or do something. So, I got into fitness. With emetophobia in hand, I was determined to get healthy. So I spent the next 12 years building myself up. I learned a lot about myself and I gained some great mental strength. Along the, way of course, I had some very low lows. I ended up getting cystic acne from stress and my hair turned white. God was my refuge. I didn’t even feel safe in my own skin. At age 32 I decided that there needed to be a change. I was much mored scared to predict the rest of my life living this way than making a change. I was desperate and I reached out to an influencer along with googling and Youtube-ing about emetophobia and that’s when I found the Thrive Programme-Emetophobia Free. This. This was the perspective I needed. I had learned a lot throughout the years about mental health, but there was a missing piece. It was control and perspective.

I ended up overcoming emetophobia around week 4 of the program. More on that in another blog. Apparently my biggest issue was self-esteem and social anxiety! LOL. After I finished, I worked to maintain my new perspective because I didn’t want to forget the truth about the reality I live in. I decided to become a coach and here we are. I knew that I always wanted to help people in some way. I prayed once that God would give me a way to make a career out of just talking to people, so here we are! I hope that anything I have to offer will help you in some way. If nothing does, let this be a stepping stone for your recovery because the bottom line is, you CAN overcome emetophobia.

-Alexandra

My Story

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